Who Had My Father Arrested

Recently while in my therapist office a memory came to me. It was of the time that my Grandma planned a trip for me, my cousin, my father, and my aunt to go to Las Vegas. Right off the bat, from the first paragraph, you can get the hint of how dysfunctional my family was. … Continue reading Who Had My Father Arrested →

The narcissist and the codependent

I should have known better. I'm at the bar hanging out with a couple friends. One was a college friend and the other was a friend from highschool. We're at a spot where I knew some people who worked there. I didnt know these people because I was cool, charismatic, or had a lot of … Continue reading The narcissist and the codependent →

I’m Struggling

"Spare the people the suspense". I said to myself when I woke up at 4am and opened the blank post. "The people", meaning the ## people that follow me as a courtesy because I follow them, are tired of your long winded posts. In the blog world you need to learn to get to the … Continue reading I’m Struggling →

My choices

I woke up from a dream tonight that sent me deep into a rabbit hole of self inspection. Basically, over the last couple months, I've been exploring the patterns I follow. Tonight I think my subconscious was trying to open another door for me. The dream: I was sitting in a large-ish room with quite … Continue reading My choices →

Again

I'm laying here again... awake. Tired with my mind running at 100mph, while your mind drifts to sleep. I'm laying here again... frustrated. Angry with my heart pounding 100bps, while your breath reaches a slow rhythm. I'm laying here again... hurt. My emotions spinning in circles at 100rpm, while your body is steady and still. … Continue reading Again →

Alcoholism – The Father Addition

First things first. If you are reading this and struggling with alcoholism please know that there are people that love you. You are NOT alone. You are not a fuck up or a loser. If you're ready for help, it's ready for you. ‐-----------------‐-------------------------------- You could feel the mood in the room change. The light … Continue reading Alcoholism – The Father Addition →

Happy wife, happy life:

I always thought this saying was a fuckin' joke. I would see a man who, in my opinion, had been swindled of his balls and been given khaki shorts and white new balances to replace them. He would have that pathetic look on his face. The one that sadly pronounced "happy wife, happy life" as … Continue reading Happy wife, happy life: →

My mom…

A relationship... Born from manipulative relationships Cultivated in trauma Sustained through mutual pain Strained by drama Broken by narcisism

Bad vs. Good

I wrote a letter to my wife a few weeks ago about the difference between being a good man, good father, and a good husband. It was written on the heals of me being a "bad" husband yet again. The letter was born from an epiphany which came as a result of an argument where … Continue reading Bad vs. Good →

Movement

EDIT: turns out #Hozier wrote the perfect song for this: https://open.spotify.com/track/1djzKW3eYLyzjjHXazEWWh?si=eHdHytbhQ2uoiuHgMonTMg Her brown skin, her gentle curves, her soft lips, her faithful rhythm, she uses them completely. We drift left, we slide forward, we ascend, we whirl, we are love in motion. She motives my body, she inspires my mind, she ignites my passions, she … Continue reading Movement →