I'm laying here again... awake. Tired with my mind running at 100mph, while your mind drifts to sleep. I'm laying here again... frustrated. Angry with my heart pounding 100bps, while your breath reaches a slow rhythm. I'm laying here again... hurt. My emotions spinning in circles at 100rpm, while your body is steady and still. … Continue reading Again
First things first. If you are reading this and struggling with alcoholism please know that there are people that love you. You are NOT alone. You are not a fuck up or a loser. If you're ready for help, it's ready for you. ‐-----------------‐-------------------------------- You could feel the mood in the room change. The light … Continue reading Alcoholism – The Father Addition
I always thought this saying was a fuckin' joke. I would see a man who, in my opinion, had been swindled of his balls and been given khaki shorts and white new balances to replace them. He would have that pathetic look on his face. The one that sadly pronounced "happy wife, happy life" as … Continue reading Happy wife, happy life:
A relationship... Born from manipulative relationships Cultivated in trauma Sustained through mutual pain Strained by drama Broken by narcisism
I wrote a letter to my wife a few weeks ago about the difference between being a good man, good father, and a good husband. It was written on the heals of me being a "bad" husband yet again. The letter was born from an epiphany which came as a result of an argument where … Continue reading Bad vs. Good
EDIT: turns out #Hozier wrote the perfect song for this: https://open.spotify.com/track/1djzKW3eYLyzjjHXazEWWh?si=eHdHytbhQ2uoiuHgMonTMg Her brown skin, her gentle curves, her soft lips, her faithful rhythm, she uses them completely. We drift left, we slide forward, we ascend, we whirl, we are love in motion. She motives my body, she inspires my mind, she ignites my passions, she … Continue reading Movement
I've never been more sad. I've never been more frightened. Sadness with the velocity of a bullet. Fear with the force of a shotgun blast. Suicide #4: I'd like to think that the worst day of my life contained more feelings than simply sadness and fear. It would make for beautiful sentences; stringing powerful adjectives … Continue reading #4; The worst day of my life.
Shook but not shaken Pain but not painful Hurt but not hurting Grief without mourning Loss without sadness Fury without anger
Drink til you finish the job
I wrote my first blog about all the divorces I racked up over the years, counting them as if each was a battle I survived and therefore won. You see, I wear the overcoming of multiple broken homes as a pseudo badge of honor. Each divorce brought a challenge, shaped a part of me, and … Continue reading Suicide, Encounter #1.