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Post #1: And. Here. We. Go.


We all know someone who has gotten divorced. We all know someone who has been divorced multiple times. Not you of course, its probably a fucking uncle or maybe a friend or their family. Ill venture a guess that as the number of divorces goes up, the % of people who can relate goes down. (fact check time)

By a show of hands, who has personally or by association experienced:

1 divorce?

2 divorces?

3, 4, 5, 6?

Im assuming that we lost a big chunk after 3 and that by 5 there was just a couple of us and some crickets.

Me? Well, I’ll claim a solid 4 +1. Yeah, my mom was divorced 4 times, 2 of which before I was 10 and the other two when I was in my teens. The good news is that she’s been married 5 times, its the old fall down X times but get back up X+1. Congratulations you succeeded?

If you’re counting you came up with 4 step-dads.

I’ll warn you while reading my blog not to jump to conclusions. Fuckery and narcisism have a way of keeping you guessing.

See, you’re missing a variable. This variable is known as the #Mom variable (x). The #Mom variable is exacerbated by #Narcissist variable (y). x * y = dude blogging.

So you guessed 4 steps dads… Again, you’re fucking wrong. Its actually only 3. My mother married one of the men twice.

The cliff notes go like this.

The first divorce was from my father. His issues and our relationship I’ll cover in another blog but for perspective he was an alcoholic. She endured emotional, mental, and physical abuse in addition to the drinking while with him. She divorced my father when I was about a year old. A no-brainer, GTFO.

The second, wasn’t an alcoholic that Im aware of. It was the 80’s though so Im fairly certain that cocaine played a sizable role. He also physically abused my mom at least once that I remember. To this he added the little nugget of insurance fraud and tax evasion. They divorced when I was about 7 or 8. It was the first divorce I remember rather than simply feeling the after effects. I saw him exactly 1 time after having lived with him, as my dad, for ~6 years. He fostered my love of the automobile and probably planted the seed for wanting to be an entrepreneur but also being deathly afraid of being one. However, leaving him was a no-brainer, GTFO.

Side note: this isn’t a bash my mother post. We’ll get to the point where we look at her with shock and horror but for now lets stay focused.

Guy number 3 and 4 is where she double dipped. He is a special man to me and will make appearances in more than a few of my posts. Because of this I’ll just say that I love him and I hold a lot of resentment towards my mother in regards to him. In my eyes, he was a… complete and total asshole… he was strict and mean. He was unapologetic, flawed, and impulsive. Oh, and he was an alcoholic too. I dreaded him for years.

But, once he broke me of being nancy mommas-boy, things changed. He taught me to have respect for myself and others. He thickened my skin. He showed me what the definition of perseverance was. Outwardly unshakable and agressive. He always took up for the underdog and protected fiercly those he thought needed protection. He was 5’7″ but his demeanor was “fuck it and fuck you!” and you fucking believed him. I can’t wait to write about him in the future.

But for now you’re saying “but, but, but dude, whats the +1!?!?”

Well, I went ahead and got myself divorced 1 time on my own. Hey, but good news, Ive been married twice. Yay, I succeeded…

So, 3 step dads and a father, you’re wondering how do I juggle all of these relationships. The answer, of course, is that 3 of the 4, are dead. We’ll cover more of this in future blogs when I prove to you once again that I’m more fucked up than you.

The more fucked up you are, the more I like you… #AshlyLorenzana

5 thoughts on “Divorce(s)

  1. Great post, made me laugh and cringe (in a good way)… I’m looking forward to reading more about your ‘fathers’. You should write a book though… I would definitely buy it


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