Holy shit does it feel good to be back... for a minute I actually thought I wasn't fucked up anymore. But can people really change? Can people really heal? Can people evolve? FUCK YES. I am NOT the same. I HAVE changed and I HAVE healed from whole lot of the things that hurt me. … Continue reading The MostFucked is Fucking Back Baby!
Step-dad; The Bad Ass Edition
This was my first encounter with my 2nd step-dad: I was with my 1st step-dad, who I will most likely never speak about again, when I first saw the man who would become the most influential man I would ever know. SD#1 and my mom had recently divorced and while I genuinely thought of him … Continue reading Step-dad; The Bad Ass Edition
Changing Old Habits
It had been a year and a half since I last spoke to my mom. I've been working hard on myself and my marriage. I'm determined to break the cycles of behavior that my mother and father had passed on to me and to not pass them to my kiddo or let them kill my … Continue reading Changing Old Habits
Insanity: def. Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome. Fucking Insanity: def. Letting someone repeatedly put the words "i feel" in front of "like you" and believing that whatever they say after "i feel like you" has anything to do with you or their feelings.
The narcissist and the codependent
I should have known better. I'm at the bar hanging out with a couple friends. One was a college friend and the other was a friend from highschool. We're at a spot where I knew some people who worked there. I didnt know these people because I was cool, charismatic, or had a lot of … Continue reading The narcissist and the codependent
"Spare the people the suspense". I said to myself when I woke up at 4am and opened the blank post. "The people", meaning the ## people that follow me as a courtesy because I follow them, are tired of your long winded posts. In the blog world you need to learn to get to the … Continue reading I’m Struggling
I woke up from a dream tonight that sent me deep into a rabbit hole of self inspection. Basically, over the last couple months, I've been exploring the patterns I follow. Tonight I think my subconscious was trying to open another door for me. The dream: I was sitting in a large-ish room with quite … Continue reading My choices
#4; The worst day of my life.
I've never been more sad. I've never been more frightened. Sadness with the velocity of a bullet. Fear with the force of a shotgun blast. Suicide #4: I'd like to think that the worst day of my life contained more feelings than simply sadness and fear. It would make for beautiful sentences; stringing powerful adjectives … Continue reading #4; The worst day of my life.
Suicides #2 and 3
Drink til you finish the job
Suicide, Encounter #1.
I wrote my first blog about all the divorces I racked up over the years, counting them as if each was a battle I survived and therefore won. You see, I wear the overcoming of multiple broken homes as a pseudo badge of honor. Each divorce brought a challenge, shaped a part of me, and … Continue reading Suicide, Encounter #1.