Changing Old Habits

It had been a year and a half since I last spoke to my mom. I’ve been working hard on myself and my marriage. I’m determined to break the cycles of behavior that my mother and father had passed on to me and to not pass them to my kiddo or let them kill my marriage.

~6 weeks ago I decided it was time to open the lines of communication with my mom. I didn’t have any expectations. It wasn’t about fixing the relationship, getting an apology, or filling the parental hole in my life. Simply put; as a man and a son, I thought it was the right thing to do.

~4 weeks ago I made the initial contact. It took her two days to respond. My initial reaction was “WTF!?” but truthfully I wasn’t upset. It was just a little ironic that after so many times of her telling me she wanted to talk that she didn’t respond but thats fine. When we finally connected we set a time to talk.

~2 weeks ago we spoke. It was nice. She seemed really open and honest. No apologies were made or sought after. No judgments were passed and no assumptions were made. We made a plan to speak again in 2 weeks.

~1 week ago she text thinking we are meeting that day.

~2 days ago she text me to confirm.

~1 day ago I open the zoom call and send her a message to join the same zoom room as before.

10 minutes later, after no response, I send a message that I’m going to grab some breakfast.

90 minutes later, her 1st response is that she has to run some errands.

I really didn’t care that she didn’t join the call. It didn’t bother me that it took her 90 minutes to respond. What has me tied in a knot is the response.

That situation warranted an apology or some sort of explanation.

Instead, its 3am and I’m ruminating. Old habits die hard apparently.

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